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Theological Engineering Exam
5 Questions, 60 Minutes.
You may use a calculator, the Bible, the Koran, the Torah, and the Book of Mormon. The
speed of light is c. Show all work. For all problems, assume a perfectly spherical Jesus
of constant density D. No praying during the exam.
- (20 pts.) Bob and Joe are standing on a street corner. God loves each an equal amount.
Bob then accelerates to 0.9c. In Joe's rest frame, how much does God now love Bob?
- Sven, a Catholic, is in a state of grace. He then has sex with a sheep S.
- (10 pts.) What is Sven's atonement coefficient following the act if S was not
willing?
- (12 pts.) What S, while not technically being willing, could not be said to mind
either?
- (10 pts.) Let the eternal, all abiding love of the Holy Spirit be the xy plane. Let
Sue's soul be at (0,0,5) at t = 0 sec., traveling at 5 m/s in the direction of the
positive z axis. Everything is in Cartesian coordinates bespeaking subscription to a
perfectly rational Enlightenment attitude towards the Universe. At what time t will Sue be
saved? (Hint: Assume a point soul.)
- (20 pts.) Assume the Rapture occurs at time t. Cornelia, a saved human weighing
90 kg, in a state of grace, has her head in the closing jaws of an alligator at t.
What mass of meat will remain to the alligator at t+10 sec.?
- Stan is a frictionless, massless Mormon in a rest state. His sin level for his faith is
currently 11 McBeals. He eats 0.3 kg of pork, and enjoys it very much. Assume that the
Jews are right about, well, pretty much everything.
- (10 pts.) What is Stan's sin level now?
- (10 pts.) Stan is one of them Salt Lake City Mormons. He ain't so damn smug now, is he?
- (10 pts, extra credit) 25 grams of wafers and 20 ml of cheap wine undergo
transubstantiation and become the flesh and blood of our Lord. How many Joules of heat are
released by the transformation?
Hand in exam when done, and may God have mercy on your work. |
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