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Puns
- Two vultures board an airplane, each carrying two dead raccoons. The stewardess
looks at them and says, "I'm sorry, gentlemen, only one carrion allowed per
passenger."
- Did you hear that NASA recently put a bunch of Holsteins into low earth orbit?
They called it "the herd shot round the world".
- Two boll weevils grew up in South Carolina. One went to Hollywood and became a
famous actor. The other stayed behind in the cotton fields and never amounted to
much. The second one, naturally, became known as the lesser of two weevils.
- Two Eskimos sitting in a kayak were chilly, but when they lit a fire in the craft, it
sank proving once again that you can't have your kayak and heat it, too.
- A three-legged dog walks into a saloon in the Old West. He slides up to the bar
and announces: "I'm looking for the man who shot my paw."
- Did you hear about the Mystic who refused Novocain during a root canal? He wanted to
transcend dental medication.
- A group of chess enthusiasts checked into a hotel and were standing in the lobby
discussing their recent tournament victories. After about an hour, the manager came
out of the office and asked them to disperse. "But why?" they asked, as
they moved off. "Because," he said, "I can't stand chess nuts
boasting in an open foyer."
- A woman has twins, and gives them up for adoption. One of them goes to a family in
Egypt and is named "Amal." The other goes to a family in Spain; they name
him "Juan." Years later, Juan sends a picture of himself to his birth
mother. Upon receiving the picture, she tells her husband that she wishes she also
had a picture of Amal. Her husband responds, "They're twins! If you've
seen Juan, you've seen Amal."
- These friars were behind on their belfry payments, so they opened up a small florist
shop to raise funds. Since everyone liked to buy flowers from the men of God, a
rival florist across town thought the competition was unfair. He asked the good
fathers to close down, but they would not. He went back and begged the friars to
close. They ignored him. So, the rival florist hired Hugh MacTaggart, the
roughest and most vicious thug in town, to "persuade" them to close. Hugh
beat up the friars and trashed their store, saying he'd be back if they didn't close up
shop. Terrified, they did so, thereby proving that: Hugh, and only Hugh, can prevent
florist friars.
- And finally, someone sent 10 different puns to friends, in the hope that at least one of
the puns would make them laugh. Unfortunately, no pun in ten did.
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MY WITCH SHOP
