Warning Signs That You're Addicted to Coffee

• Juan Valdez names his donkey after you.
• You get a speeding ticket even when you're parked.
• You grind your coffee beans in your mouth.
• You sleep with your eyes open.
• You have to watch videos in fast-forward.
• You lick your coffeepot clean.
• Your eyes stay open when you sneeze.
• The nurse needs a scientific calculator to take your pulse.
• You can type sixty words a minute with your toes.
• You can jump-start your car without cables.
• Your only source of nutrition comes from "Sweet & Low."
• You don't sweat, you percolate.
• You've worn out the handle on your favorite coffee mug.
• You go to AA meetings just for the free coffee.
• You've worn the finish off you coffee table.
• The Taster's Choice couple wants to adopt you.
• Starbuck's owns the mortgage on your house.
• You're so wired you pick up FM radio.
• Your life's goal is to "amount to a hill of beans."
• Instant coffee takes too long.
• You want to be cremated just so you can spend eternity in a coffee can.
• You name your cats "Cream" and "Sugar."
• Your lips are permanently stuck in the sipping position.
• Your first-aid kit contains two pints of coffee with an I.V. hookup.